


Curl up Alone/Curl up Together

by winter_writes



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autistic Entrapta (She-Ra), Canon Autistic Character, Canon Disabled Character, Chronic Illness, Don't copy to another site, F/M, Feelings, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Hordak is Crushing Harder than a 12-Year-Old Girl, Hordak isn't good with emotions but he's trying, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kissing, Love Confessions, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Cuddles, Touching, but nothing graphic i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24926752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winter_writes/pseuds/winter_writes
Summary: Hordak helps Adora to rescue Catra from Prime. While covering their escape, he is captured and imprisoned.After Prime’s defeat, the Princess Alliance find Hordak in the cells, half-dead from torture. Now that he’s in their hands, they have to figure out what to do with him.And Hordak has his own problems: during Prime’s torture, he admitted to having certain feelings for a certain princess. And Prime recorded each session. And Hordak has no idea where the recordings are now.
Relationships: Entrapta/Hordak (She-Ra)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 245





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: this chapter contains a brief mention of blood. (It's very mild.)

They found him in the cells. 

Adora could still remember the last time she’d seen Hordak. She’d been running to the ship with Catra cradled in her arms, clones charging towards them from all directions. She’d passed Catra to Bow, and turned to fight. 

Which was when half a dozen blasts took out the clones who’d been converging on her. 

Another clone came into view, wielding an arm cannon. He looked over his shoulder at her. “Run! Go!” 

He looked like all the others, but there was something in his voice… “Hordak?” 

“Yes, it’s me, and I told you to run. I can only cover you for so long.” 

Reinforcements were arriving. Adora had taken one last look at Hordak, who was… helping her? before she ran up the ramp into the ship and they took off. 

Later, she’d told them about how Hordak had covered their escape. 

“Why would he turn on Horde Prime like that?” said Glimmer. 

Entrapta nodded. “He always seemed really committed to proving to Prime that he wasn’t a failure. I told him that it was kind of an unhealthy impulse, but still… I wonder what changed his mind.” 

“I think I know,” said Catra. And then she’d described the pool, and the electricity, and the pain, and the fact that Hordak had definitely gone through it at least twice. “After that, I think he might have realised that Prime wasn’t so great after all. I just don’t understand how he could remember who he was. I mean, after the mindwipe he seemed like a total blank slate. Not that I’m complaining, obviously. I’m not gonna complain about someone helping us get away from Prime, it’s just an unanswered question.” 

“I hope he’s okay,” said Entrapta quietly. 

* 

They found him in the cells, Prime’s only prisoner. 

It was a smallish square room, far less grand than Glimmer’s cell had been: four plain walls, a painfully bright light above and a drain in the centre of the floor. Hordak was lying curled up on his side against the back wall. 

Adora was still struggling to tell the freed clones apart – they were, of course, identical, and most of them still wore the same uniforms – but Hordak didn’t look like the other clones anymore. 

His eyes were back to red, for a start. And as for the rest of him… 

He’d always been thin, but now he’d crossed the line from skinny to skeletal. Adora could see the jutting bones of his ribs thorough the thin white smock which was his only garment. There was a gap between the two bones in his forearms; none of the other clones had that. When they entered the cell he looked up at them, but made no effort to move or speak until Entrapta knelt down beside him and started fretting. 

“Hordak, what happened to you?” She picked up his wrist and started taking his pulse. 

“Prime was… displeased with my disobedience.” His voice sounded hoarse. Horde Prime clearly hadn’t been feeding him, and perhaps Hordak hadn’t been allowed water as well. He coughed weakly. “It is good to see you again, Entrapta.” 

“I’m glad to see you too,” Entrapta replied, but she didn’t look happy; her eyes were huge and sad. “I brought you this,” she said, holding out a purple piece of First Ones’ tech. “I thought you might need it.” 

Hordak smiled weakly and took it from her, cradling it in his hand. “Thank you Entrapta. That was very… kind of you.” 

Hordak coughed again. Adora thought it might be a brief thing, but the coughing got worse, shaking his whole body. She tensed when he started bringing up blood. As she looked closer at the floor of the cell, Adora saw dark splotches from past coughing fits. Her voice sounded thin and scared against the background of Hordak’s wracking coughs. “What did Prime do to you?” 

After the coughing subsided, Hordak looked up at Adora. “Prime had the wisdom of millennia. I will not pretend to understand every machine he strapped me into. Some were designed for torture, others I suspect were purely experimental. He was trying to determine how I managed to override his control of my mind. His results were not conclusive, and he disliked inconclusive results.” 

A strand of Entrapta’s hair reached out to brush Hordak’s face. “I – I’ll find a way to help you. You need medical treatment.” 

“Thank you, Entrapta, but I suspect that your offer comes too late. My body was never strong at the best of times, and now…” His words dissolved into coughs again, drops of red spattering the floor by his mouth. The piece of First Ones’ tech fell from his hand. 

Entrapta picked it up and took Hordak’s hand. “It’s going to be okay, Hordak. Adora can heal you, right?” She turned to look at Adora, silently pleading. 

Adora felt torn. This was the man who had made war on Etheria. This was the man who’d taken her in when she was only a defenceless baby. This was the man who’d laid waste to Salineas. This was the man who’d covered their escape, knowing that his actions would lead to a mind wipe or worse. 

“Why should she?” said Mermista. “He invaded Salineas. Why should we help him?” 

Hordak’s next words were almost unintelligible through the coughs. “For what – what it’s worth – I’m sorry.” The coughing died down again, but it had left Hordak exhausted. He closed his eyes, his breath coming as a rattling wheeze. 

“What else do we do, Mermista?” she asked. “Leave him to die? He helped us, I can’t do that.” She held out her hand. “For the Honour of…” 

* 

Hordak woke somewhere unfamiliar. Panicking, he pushed himself up into a sitting position, his fingers sinking into the mattress, soft sheets bunching around his waist. He looked around the room. Aside from the bed there were a few chairs arranged around a low table, and a large window letting in sunlight, and – 

“Hordak, relax, it’s okay.” Entrapta rushed over to stand by the bed. “Are you alright? Adora healed you, but you passed out halfway through. We weren’t sure how She-Ra’s healing would affect a member of the Horde, so I stayed with you to make sure you were alright. And you are. You’ll just be a bit weak for a while.” 

Adora had healed him? Yes, it must be true. The ache of his broken ribs was gone, and every breath came easily. 

“Mermista can’t have liked that,” he said, remembering what had happened when the princesses found him in the cell. 

“Mermista changed her mind,” Entrapta told him. 

Hordak frowned. “What could possibly have changed her mind?” 

A pained look flickered across Entrapta’s face. “Horde Prime… did you know that he documented the way he was hurting you? If it wasn’t so awful I would say it was good scientific practice. Anyway, the Princess Alliance was debating what to do with you – talking through different punishments like exile or imprisonment or community service – and I said, well, you’d already been hurt a lot by Horde Prime, and it wouldn’t be nice to hurt you more. So I suggested that we watch the videos, and if everybody agreed that what Prime had been done to you was bad enough, then maybe they wouldn’t punish you. Or at least not as much as they were originally going to.” 

Hordak’s blood ran cold. 

“Entrapta, did you… did the Princess Alliance watch all the videos?” 

* 

_One week earlier…_

Hordak had promised himself that he wouldn’t scream, but after ten seconds in Prime’s machine, he’d broken that promise. After that, he’d promised himself that he wouldn’t weep. Half an hour passed, and that promise was broken too. 

He didn’t make himself any more promises after that. 

Once Prime had tired of the screams and the tears, he shut the machine off and stood in front of the table that Hordak was strapped to. “Oh my poor corrupted little brother… You know that this process will end when you want it to. Just tell me what I want to know. How did you overcome the mindwipes and the hivemind?” 

His voice had been hoarse from a combination of screaming and dehydration. “I told you, there was no specific factor. I… it happened gradually. One day, I realised that I didn’t want to keep dressing in the entire clone uniform. Sometime later, I decided that the leader of the Horde on Etheria should have a name, so I picked one for myself. And it went on like that. I dyed my hair. I wore cosmetics. I…” Hordak laughed, a little hysterically. “Oh, there’s more, but you wouldn’t understand.” 

Horde Prime slapped him. It was a casual action, almost an afterthought. “I am the most intelligent being in the universe. You will tell me, and I will understand.” 

“I made a friend,” Hordak told his former overlord. “I fell in love with her.” 

Prime’s lip curled in distaste. “Who?” 

Hordak shook his head. “No. I will not tell you that. I won’t have you hunting her down and hurting her.” 

Prime flicked a switch, and Hordak screamed wordlessly. The switch flicked again. “You will tell me, little brother. You will tell me who this woman is and what she did to you to drive my conditioning from your skull.” 

Hordak had been left panting from the agony inflicted by the machine, but once he’d got his breath back he said, “She didn’t do anything to me. And I won’t tell you who she is. Because no matter how much you hurt me, I will still love her more than I fear pain.” 

Prime’s fist shot out, shattering ribs and breaking something deep inside. Hordak coughed up blood, but there was a certain degree of satisfaction to be had from the sight of Prime’s frown. 

Because that was Prime’s problem: every issue had to have a clear-cut, perfect solution, and Hordak’s mind breaking free of conditioning had been anything but. It had been the work of years of freedom wearing away at his mindset until it took a new shape. He’d told himself that he was still Prime’s creature, but as time passed it had become more wishful thinking than anything else. 

And then Entrapta had told him that imperfection was beautiful, and at the back of his mind he had started to wonder if the clear-cut perfection of Prime and his clones was so desirable after all. 

* 

“…did the Princess Alliance watch all the videos?” 

“Oh, no,” said Entrapta, and Hordak breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn’t been ready for Entrapta to know that. He had little experience with love, and truly would not have known what to say to her if she had found out about his feelings. “Halfway through the first video,” said Entrapta, “We decided that Frosta shouldn’t watch anymore. And by the end of the second video, Perfuma was crying. And after we watched the third video, Micah told us that he didn’t care if we were all adults and princesses, he wasn’t going to let us watch any more. So then the Alliance decided that you’d been punished enough, and you’re free to do whatever you want as long as you don’t try to conquer anything.” 

Hordak relaxed against the pillows. The bed really was exceptionally comfortable. “Well that is certainly a relief.” 

“Yeah, but you’re still in a bad way. You’ve lost a significant amount of weight, and your muscles have been damaged by extended time without support. I tried to find the suit I made you, but I think Prime destroyed it, so I’m making another one.” 

“I see,” said Hordak quietly. 

Entrapta hugged him. It was pleasant. “But it’s okay! Because Prime’s gone and you’re here with me and you’re gonna get better. It just might take a while.” 

She left him then, promising to return with food. 

Hordak waited a few moments after she left, before throwing off the covers and slowly getting to his feet. Before Adora healed him he couldn’t even crawl, but now that She-Ra had worked her magic his body was barely worse off than at any other time, so the walk to the window wasn’t too difficult. He sat on the window seat and looked out. 

He was in Bright Moon. Below him, palace guards worked at clearing away signs of Horde Prime’s invasion. In the gardens, other guards were talking to a group of clones. Some looked happy, some confused, and some dejected. Hordak supposed that each clone was taking the loss of Prime a little differently. 

Part of him, the original part, felt horrified at his disobedience to Prime, but most of him just thought, _good riddance._

He considered what he might do next. It was more than a little likely that Scorpia would want her kingdom back, and there was nothing left for him in the Fright Zone anyway. Perhaps Entrapta would want him to accompany her to Dryl. He didn’t want to consider what he would do if she didn’t want him, but he ought to plan for that as well. Maybe he could help with the rehabilitation of the clones. 

Perhaps. 

Maybe. 

Either way, he’d be stuck neck-deep in love with a woman who, while she certainly liked him, might not love him back. Hordak knew nothing about how to court or even how to flirt. And something told him that traditional Etherian courtship rituals would not appeal to Entrapta, so asking someone for advice was unlikely to yield useful information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos = love
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. I am not making money from this work.


	2. Chapter 2

Entrapta returned with soup (in tiny bowls for her, and a regular bowl for Hordak). It was filling, and far more flavourful than anything he’d ever eaten before. He found himself coming around to the idea of living in Bright Moon for a little while. 

After that, she went off again, returning with clothes, hair dye, and eyeshadow. There weren’t any black dresses in the Bright Moon wardrobes, so Entrapta had made do by bringing him a dress the same shade as his eyes. He changed into it in the bathroom. It was designed to be full-length, but Hordak was about a foot too tall for it, so it was short in the skirt and the sleeves weren’t long enough, leaving the gaps in his forearms on show. Still, he was grateful to be out of the smock that Prime had given him after some of the clones had stripped him of his uniform. He was never wearing white again. 

One of his legs protested, so he braced a hand against the rim of the bathtub to steady himself. 

Hordak looked at the bath with some trepidation. Sooner or later (tomorrow; he was a hygienic person), he was going to have to get into that. 

If he showered then he’d have to contend with the fact that his body might not be able to stand up long enough for a proper wash. If he took a bath, however… Hordak pictured lowering himself into the tub. Even though the water would be clear, not green, and even though it was a bathtub not a cleansing pool, and even though this was Bright Moon, hundreds of miles away from Prime’s ship, he knew he wouldn’t be able to do it. 

He’d take a shower, and he would just have to live with the risk of a collapse. 

* 

Over the next few days, Hordak did little apart from eating, sleeping, and physical therapy. 

Occasionally he would be invited to dine with the Princess Alliance. The dinners inevitably started with a lot of the princesses snatching glances at him from across the table. 

He wasn’t always sure why they were looking at him. Was it because his arms were on show? Because he used to lead the Horde? Or was it because of those videos that the whole Alliance had watched? 

Hordak didn’t think he liked the taste of the princesses’ pity. 

Still, after the awkward beginning he would usually be drawn into a conversation with Entrapta about the development of his new suit, which would distract him from whoever happened to be looking at him out of the corner of their eye. 

He hadn’t had a proper conversation with many of the other princesses yet. 

He had briefly met Perfuma in the corridor, when she’d given him the time and location of the group meditation sessions that she led every morning, and made a few comments about the importance of keeping one’s heart open. 

Later, he had also talked with Adora. He’d been walking slowly around one of Bright Moon’s gardens, with Entrapta close by to catch him in case he fell. Adora had approached them and asked for a few moments’ privacy with Hordak, and Entrapta had left them to it. 

Their conversation had not been a long one. To Hordak’s relief, Adora hadn’t brought up the videos. Instead she had asked whether he could remember rescuing her when she was a baby. 

He’d told her the truth: he could remember holding her in his arms as he stood in the middle of a field, but nothing else. Some of his memories were slow to return after his ordeal with Prime. 

“How did you do that?” Adora asked, “I mean, it was really difficult for Catra to break through the chip’s programming.” 

“I…” it was a difficult memory to recall, tinged as it was with the rigid obedience of the hivemind. “I was assigned to monitor the security cameras that day. I saw your group walking through the corridors of Bright Moon, and I started to remember.” _I saw Entrapta,_ he nearly said. _I saw Entrapta, and even though I couldn’t remember my own name, I knew that I had to help her._

He’d picked up an arm cannon at an emergency weapons station, and the closer he got to where he’d made his stand against the clones, the more he remembered. By the time he was blasting the clones so that Entrapta and the others could escape, he’d been able to remember that his name was Hordak and that Entrapta had once told him that imperfection was beautiful. They had worked together, he was sure of it. He’d had his own lab, and he hadn’t been attached to the hivemind. 

The rest of his memories had returned in his cell after the sheer number of clones had overwhelmed him and they’d dragged him away, wrenching his wrist as they pulled off his weapon. 

Even as they carried him, they’d been scared. He was in their power, but he was a clone unconnected to the hivemind: something impossible and horrifying. As a result, they’d treated him almost gently until he was thrown before Prime and sent to the holding cells. Hordak had been afraid, but also elated from the return of his ability to think his own thoughts. 

* 

He woke with a cry upon his lips, gripping the sheets so tightly that they nearly ripped under his claws. So far, Hordak hadn’t slept a single night without dreaming of the green pool or Horde Prime’s torture chamber, or even before that, when Horde Prime had taken him by the throat and called him an abomination. He could remember a few seconds of utter despair, followed by a numb blankness. 

Hordak had decided that he preferred pain to numbness, but that didn’t make the memories of the pain any more pleasant. 

Growling quietly to himself, he swung his legs out from under the covers and sat on the bed, his head in his hands. 

This was completely and utterly pathetic of him. He was Hordak. He had achieved extraordinary things, yet he couldn’t manage to sleep the whole night through. Weak. 

Hordak shuddered as he realised that those words could have come from Prime himself. Apparently his mindset hadn’t completely recovered from the mindwipe. 

He tried some slow breaths. It was either that or start hyperventilating, and he didn’t want to test the extent to which Adora had healed his lungs. _Remember what Entrapta told you. Imperfection is beautiful. And she never thought you were weak, even after you collapsed in front of her._

Hordak wasn’t sure how long he sat there. He was almost dozing off when he heard a knock at his door. 

“Enter.” 

It was Entrapta, wearing purple sweatpants and a loose white t-shirt. There was something jarringly different about her appearance, and Hordak wasn’t sure what it was until he realised that her hands were bare. She wasn’t wearing her gloves. “Hey, Hordak,” she said, “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d check on you.” 

“Thank you Entrapta, I am quite well.” His arms felt weak as twigs and his right hip wouldn’t stop throbbing, but she didn’t need to know that. His new suit would be completed in a few days, and after that his body would hurt him significantly less. And if he was looking forward to being wrapped in something that Entrapta had built him, the purple piece of First Ones’ tech sitting snug against his sternum, then, well, that was his business and nobody else’s. 

“Oh, good. Good. It’s just, I was going to go to bed when I realised that I had forgotten to tell you something, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so in the end I decided to see if you were awake so I could say it.” 

“Well, I am awake. Go on.” 

Entrapta clasped her hands together. “Well, I just wanted to say thanks. For not telling Horde Prime about me.” 

“Of course I didn’t tell him anything about you. Why would I?” 

“Because he asked you. Do you not remember him asking you? It’s possible that some of your memories have been repressed due to PTSD. Maybe we can find a therapist to treat you. Even if you don’t get the memories back, it would still be a good thing to see a therapist.” 

Hordak felt like he was going to throw up. She’d seen it. She’d seen the video. There was no other explanation. “You – but I – I thought that the Princess Alliance only viewed the first three videos.” 

“Oh, we did. But a good scientist never performs incomplete research. In order to figure out the best way to care for you, I needed to understand what you’d been through, which meant watching them all.” 

All of them. She’d seen all of them. The screams and the tears and the sobbing. For once, Hordak _wanted_ to collapse. He wanted his body to give up on him so that he could have a few hours of sweet oblivion before he had to properly deal with this. “I see. What did you think of them?” He tried to keep the emotion out of his voice. He failed. 

A strand of her hair brushed his cheek. “It was awful. I just wished that we’d been able to do something, take you with us. And then we could have taken Horde Prime down together.” 

“That is not what I meant. I meant – Entrapta, I said that I loved you.” 

“Oh, I know.” 

_Go on,_ Hordak urged his body, _Just collapse. Pass out. Even a small heart attack will do._ “And how do you feel about that?” He couldn’t bear to keep looking at her. He couldn’t bear to look away. Sitting on the bed with her standing across from him, she was taller than him for once, and he had to look up to meet her gaze. 

“Oh, I love you too.” 

Hordak choked on empty air. He could feel himself blushing down to the tips of his ears. “You do?” 

She took his hand. Her fingers were intoxicatingly warm. “Of course I do.” 

She kissed him. Hordak wasn’t exactly sure what kisses were meant to be like, but he tried his best, tilting his head back and closing his eyes, surrendering himself to sensation. “This feels surreal,” he admitted to her, “Like I’ll wake up tomorrow and it won’t have happened.” 

“Well then I’ll just have to stay with you,” said Entrapta, leaning in to kiss him again. 

* 

Hordak woke to the sun streaming through the gap in the curtains. Entrapta still slept, his arm around her, her head on his chest. Hordak could have stayed like that forever. Even if he’d wanted to move, it would have been a struggle; in her sleep, Entrapta’s hair had wrapped around his right arm and both his thighs. It felt… comforting to be held like that. As if Entrapta was keeping him safe even in his sleep. 

It was likely that they would both be late for breakfast. He didn’t mind. They could get something from the kitchens. 

Briefly, Hordak wondered what would happen if they entered the dining room arm in arm. How the other princesses would react. 

But all that could wait. For now, he was content to be curled up with Entrapta in the morning light.


End file.
